Finally in the early hours of Saturday I was given the go-ahead to push. I pushed and pushed; I felt like I was in a dream state between wakefulness and sleep. I know that I pushed for awhile, but I did not have a sense of exactly how long. After the sun rose, and I’d been pushing for about five hours, the doctor suggested that I needed to have a c-section. She said that you were stuck, and they were worried about your heartbeat which had periodically been dipping. They were also worried about my exhaustion. I was crushed. I had labored naturally for so long and I had envisioned the moment I would get to meet you, and it didn’t entail surgery. But we all agreed this was the best path forward, and soon I was headed into surgery.
It was really scary for me, and it felt like an out-of-body experience. Luckily I had your dad there beside me, and it all went very fast. When the moment came for you to be born, your father got to stand up and see you and he got to proclaim your sex. I could hear the emotion in his voice as he saw you for the first time, and he said, ‘We have a beautiful baby girl. And she is huge!’. I remember thinking that you must weigh 10+ pounds, just like your dad did when he was born. I also remember being startled because you weren’t crying. I asked why you weren’t crying and they said because you were about to sneeze. Soon you were crying and they were cleaning you off, and the next thing I knew, there you were! You were beautiful, with a full head of dark brown hair, and you were not crying but were looking around. I only got to look at you for what seemed like a few seconds, and then your dad and you left. Carrie came in to be with me while they finished the surgery, and your dad and you got spend some very special alone time together. It took awhile for me to fully recover; I was shaking really badly from the drugs and was not able to hold you for about another hour. But then I finally got to hold you and you slept on me.
After what seemed like an eternity we were transported from the recovery room to our hospital room. On the way we got to introduce you to your grandpa, grandma, Uncle Kyle, and his friend Joy. You came to meet us on a very special day – your grandma’s 70th birthday. You were the most special, perfect present for her. They were so excited to meet you and hold you, and they stayed for a bit.
But they left to enable us all to get some rest and to get to know you. I remember after everyone had left I was so excited to finally get to look at you…to look at your legs and your long toes, your beautiful face and dark hair, your wrinkly back. It was so fun to look you over and kiss you and hold you finally. I felt like that was the first time I really got to meet you. I was so happy and thankful to finally have you here with us, and to know that you are healthy.