So Little, So Big

You are so tiny. When you are in your car seat, or when you’re unclothed, or when you’re all swaddled like a little burrito – these are the times when I am amazed at how tiny you are. Before you were born I was so worried and hesitant to handle little babies; they always seemed so fragile. However, with you I haven’t ever had that fear, trusting that you are resilient and that if I handle you with care you’ll be alright. But there are times when I register just how little and tiny you are, and I cradle you in my arms and think about the fact that you won’t be this little forever, that you are already about 10% bigger (by weight) than you were when you were born, and that someday you will make my arms sore and back ache when I carry you.

When I went to breastfeeding club last week there was a parking lot of strollers outside of the room. I was perplexed by all of these women using strollers to transport their babies the relatively short distance from the car to the room. I much prefer to simply grab you out of your car seat and carry you and I relish these times when you are so light that I can carry you and barely even notice the added weight. We haven’t even used your stroller yet and I almost dread the day in the future when we’ll need to use it; it seems so big and clunky and cumbersome and is just one more piece of equipment we’ll add to the list of things we must schlep with us everywhere.

Last week I ordered you a snowsuit from the Patagonia sale for next winter. Your dad and I pondered over the sizing for a long time, wondering how big you’ll be in one year. We finally decided to just order the 12 month sizing and hope it fits. When it arrived and I unfolded it I just started at its enormity. It is huge. It literally almost reaches up to my hip (from the ground). Will you reach up to my hip in just 12 months?! I cannot fathom that you will grow so much in such a short amount of time. I cannot believe you will not be my little, teeny, carry-able baby girl forever. For now I’ll carry and rock and soak in your tiny-ness as much as I can, and we’ll keep the stroller cozily stowed in the garage for at least a couple more weeks.

Newborn and 12 month snowsuits

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