So Hard

I never knew that figuring out what is best for you could be so hard. We’re still trying to figure out a better daycare situation. Rachel’s going back to school in August, Nancy is still not our 100% favorite caregiver, and we’re constantly questioning if you’d relish more interaction with others your age, such that you’d do better in a daycare setting. The best part of our current situation is your nana watching you two days a week. Things are always easy and comfortable with her, and we know you are in the best, most loving hands. She loves taking you out to activities, and is constantly thinking of new and creative things to do with you. And she just loves you so much; every weekend she mentions how she can’t wait to see you on Tuesday.

We’ve been interviewing nannies sporadically over the past six months, but nobody seems a perfect fit. So we’ve started touring daycares. Last week we toured Boulder Montessori, a school right up the street which I’ve heard great reviews about. We really liked the feel of it, the teachers, the space, the fact that you have free reign to do whatever you want, play, eat, go outside, inside, etc. We were amazed at the independence and skills of the toddlers in the room. They served themselves their own snacks, composted leftover food and washed their dishes. They are starting potty training. The youngest aged children they accept is 18-months, but I don’t think any of the children we observed were that young. Regardless, we really liked this school and its convenient location to us. However, there are no partial full-day options (1, 2, or 3 full-day options), which is what we need.

Today we toured another daycare, this one is not very convenient, though not totally unmanageable either. A friend sends her daughter there and they’ve had good experiences. For today’s tour we brought you with us; we did not do this for the tour last week. I thought it’d be neat to see how you reacted in the daycare environment, and I imagined you’d happily play and explore the new environment. Instead you were very emotional and clingy. I was hardly able to put you down without you becoming really upset, and even when I was holding you you were often crying. I’m not sure if you were overwhelmed, or not feeling well, or just not happy there. But the experience made me really question if daycare is right for you. I’ve spent all afternoon thinking about it, and even found myself in tears at one point. I just cannot imagine leaving you there after your reaction today.

So I’m not sure what we’ll do. In the near-term we’ve let Nancy know that starting in June we won’t need her anymore, and your papa will watch you on Mondays. Your nana will continue to watch you on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and Rachel will watch you with Isla on Thursdays. Your dad and I will continue to each watch you for a half-day on Friday, while the other one works. This will be the plan through the summer, until Rachel goes back to school. So we have a couple of months to identify a new solution, but time is still tight since many of the daycares have waitlists and it’s uncertain when you’ll get in. We’ll keep touring schools and seeking other options until we find something that feels right for all of us, but this is really hard.

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