I have wanted to get you a little Trunki suitcase since well before you were born. These suitcases are built for toddlers, with wheels and a shape such that you can ride on it. To me it represents travel and adventure and fun, and I couldn’t wait to embark on new adventures with you. We got you one for your birthday, and it arrived today. Your dad tucked it away high in your closet so that we can save it as a fun surprise for our trip to Costa Rica. I’m hoping you’ll be able to use it like a walker, and we’ll put all your toys in it for the trip. So fun!

You discovered your shadow today. The sun was shining in and creating your shadow on the floor. Your nana said you noticed it and watched it for a bit, then tried to grab it. Then, as shadows often do, it moved, and you were so perplexed. I wish I could’ve seen you discovering your shadow.

I had to leave early this morning for a work trip. I planned to leave at 6:15. You usually wake around 6 and so I was really hoping that the timing would work out so that you’d wake up and I could nurse you and give you kisses and snuggles before I left. This morning you awoke at 4:30. I asked your dad to try to rock you back to sleep so that I could sleep a little longer since I had to get up around 5:30 to get ready to leave. He tried for a while but could not get you to settle, so soon he came to get me and had me fed you. I nursed you and still you would not sleep. You seemed wide awake. I rocked you and sang to you, I even took you out to the couch and tried to lie down with you. Nothing worked. Finally at 5:30, when the alarm went off in our room to wake up me, your dad came back in to get you so I could get ready. Although I would’ve welcomed some more sleep, I enjoyed getting to spend some time with you before I left. So thanks for the wake-up call, sweetpea!

I feel like every time I look into your mouth you have another tooth. I’ve been trying to brush your teeth a couple times a day, and this evening you really opened up and let me look in there, and I discovered that you have a third tooth, on top. It’s on the right, immediately next to your middle tooth. I couldn’t believe it when I saw it and called your dad in to have a look. You’re amazing with how you handle these new teeth; we didn’t even know you were teething!

I’m not sure when this happened, or who taught you it, but you know the words ‘nose’, ‘ear’, ‘eye’ and ‘mouth’; you point to the appropriate body part when we say each word. It is so fun!

This evening you strung together a few consecutive steps and took your first little walk into your daddy’s arms. And you did it over and over! I was lucky enough to catch a few rounds on camera. He thought he could get you to walk all the way from one couch to another. You never quite made it that far, but you did great. And you were having so much fun.

Your nana and papa watched you today at their house while your dad and I were at work. You had lots of fun exploring, and they even took you with them to a luncheon at the local community center. Since you love walking around so much they let you push your stroller back and forth around the room during the luncheon. They said you were the highlight of the event for a lot of the people there.

The doctor suggested that perhaps you’re not eating much because I’m nursing you too frequently, and too much, and too close to when we try to feed you your meals. So starting today we’re making an effort to have an hour or two of time between when you nurse and eat. Today I tried to feed you food first thing in the morning, rather than nursing you. You wouldn’t have anything to do with it; you wouldn’t even get in the high chair. So this might take some time…

You had your one-year doctor’s appointment today, and you’re looking healthy and great. You are still tiny, weighing in at just 16 lbs, 3 oz, but you’re keeping steadily in the 5th percentile so the doctor is not concerned. We got lots of good advice on continuing to introduce you to more solids and on starting to wean you. You also got a couple of shots. You did really good with the long exam and the two shots, despite the fact taht the appointment was during nap time. You fell asleep almost the instant you got in the car.

Happy birthday to my sweetest little Emma Sophia! Even though I’ve written to you every day over the past year, I’m struck by two thoughts today. First, I am just not sure how we got here. How are you a year old?! Times has neither gone inordinately fast or slow, but it is just a physical astonishment that you have gone from a teeny, tiny immobile baby fresh from my belly to a babbling, active, toddling little girl in just a year. The changes we’ve observed in you are something I’m tempted to call unbelievable, if only I hadn’t been watching them for the past year.

And secondly, despite all of the prose over the past year, I still have so much to say to you. Over these past 365 days I’ve tried to capture your developments and milestones, new skills and funny antics. I’ve strived to capture the effects you’ve had on your dad and me, our feelings and growth, struggles and joys along the way. And yet, I still have a multitude of things left to say. Some are items I’ve forgotten, events or developments that are easily missed or forgotten in the minutiae of everyday life. But some are things I just don’t know how to say, or haven’t yet fully grasped or processed.

I think about the countless hours I’ve spent staring at you while you sleep in my arms, wondering how I’ve created something so perfect. I just can’t understand it. Of course I understand the mechanics of it – the birds and the bees of it – but I just cannot comprehend the awesomeness of you, coming from me. You are perfect. I love you so much that I literally wake each morning missing you and anticipating the minute I’ll get to scoop you out of your crib and give you a kiss. I’ve had so much fun with you this past year; you really do make our family complete.

I look back over my writings from this past year and realize that I’ve forgotten to highlight so many things: your first time sledding, the grunting sounds you make when you walk or crawl around; the loud slap slap slap you make as you crawl across the tile floor; how you love love love to grab glasses off of people’s faces, and you can do so quicker than we can react, even though we should know it’s going to happen; also how you love to grab onto noses and try to rip them off of people’s faces; how much you love balls, and are adept at passing one back and forth on the ground, though you can also pick balls up with your feet and pass them to your hands. Sometimes, you even bounce them back to us. You understand that shoes go on your feet, and hats go on your head, and if you find any laying around you’ll try to put them on, which is ironic because when we put those items on you you’re quick to try to take them off. You love your doggie brothers, and your face turns into a huge smile almost every time they enter the room, and even when they give you slobbery dog kisses.

I haven’t quite accurately captured the little personality that you’ve developed. I’ve talked about how curious and smart and active you are, yes, but have I thoroughly conveyed how sweet and funny, outgoing and independent you are? How can I even begin to explain how you have so thoroughly stolen our hearts?

Let’s take stock of you, today. You have four teeth, your two middle top and bottom teeth. You have a thick head of fine, straight dark hair that’s slowly getting longer and that naturally falls to the right of your forehead. You have very long fingers, which strangers have even commented on before, and long legs. You have the prettiest brown eyes and enviable long eyelashes. You are a strong, active little daredevil and I’ve never seen you behave shy or timidly. You are smart and curious. You are perfect.

You aren’t attached to any toys or stuffed animals. Some of your favorite toys are your walkers and your tea set. You like to pull clothes out of the drawers in your dresser, and particularly love finding a pair of red Christmas leggings, which you then carry with you all over the house as you go exploring. You like to point and play peek-a-boo and discover new things to play with.

We had a fun day today, celebrating both you and your nana. Nana and pap spent the night last night, and you woke up bright and early (5:30!); apparently you were anxious to get your birthday celebrations going. Papa woke up pretty early too and came out and played with you. When your dad joined us he suggested that we’d have to play the Beattle’s song ‘You Say it’s Your Birthday’ for you and your nana (since you share a birthday). So we found it on YouTube and started playing it. What fun! Then we opened a few presents. You loved climbing on them and opening them.

You took an early nap then we all headed out for a fun birthday breakfast at Snooze. You had on your ‘One’ shirt with a tutu and a headband and you were adorable. People in the restaurant kept commenting on you. The waitress brought out a birthday pancake, complete with candles, for your nana and you and we sang happy birthday. It was your first birthday candle because we forgot to do one at your party. You enjoyed pancakes, bacon and hashbrowns.

Next, your dad headed back to work and the four of us roamed around downtown. You played in a couple of the play areas on the Pearl Street Mall; this was the first time you’ve done this. You seem like such a big kid. We decided to head home because we knew you’d be ready for a nap, and the instant we put you in the car you fell asleep. Your nana and I are always up for more shopping, just like your papa’s always up for spending time with you (even if you’re asleep); he sat in the car and watched you while we shopped. You slept for almost two hours! This evening we went to Southern Sun for dinner and drinks with nana and papa. You enjoyed lots of fries and even met a new baby friend. Then we headed home and got you ready for bed.

As we were getting you ready for bed I realized that we’d forgotten to take your official birthday picture and I ran to grab the 12 month sticker so that we could take it. I reached into the envelope that at the beginning contained stickers for each of your first 12 months, and my hand felt around the near-empty envelope and settled on the lone remaining sticker. As I pulled it out I suddenly found myself in tears. I’m not sure why that single remaining sticker pushed me over the edge, but it was a tangible, visible display of how much time has passed.

When your dad inquired what was wrong I didn’t have an answer, simply replying that I “was sad you were already one”. I’m not sure if that accurately describes my emotions. I am having so much fun with you at this age, in this moment, just like I have been every day along the way. I do miss the teeny-tiny snuggly-ness of the newborn you, when I could wrap you closely to my body and we’d go about our day as if we were one again. But I also relish in your active nature, the ability of you to engage and interact with us and others, your sleeping through the night and predictable routines, watching your personality and language and understanding of the world around you develop. I think it’s just hard to see this chapter – your first year – come to a close. It’s been such an adventure. Happy birthday!