Your cousin Kyle came into town yesterday, surprising Nana and Papa by arriving with Sandy. They’re going to spend the weekend here and then run the Bolder Boulder with us on Monday. You love your cousin so much, and he is so good with you. Sweet, patient, gentle, funny, so loving. He is the best. You two had so much fun playing together. Right after he arrived he gave you a little stuffed dog (from his mom) and you immediately gave the dog a big hug. Too cute.

You each had so much fun pushing around the umbrella stroller at Nana and Papa’s. At first I thought you were in it, and Kyle came running by pushing the stroller erratically; my heart stopped for an instant. Then you turned the corner and ran after him, and I realized the stroller was filled with his stuffed animals. You two are such good buddies and I’m excited we’ll get to see Kyle again in a few weeks when we’re in Tahoe for the Fourth of July.

We went to Butterfly Pavilion with Papa, Sandy and Kyle today. In the spider room (it has other bugs, but the spiders stick out most in my mind) they have little raised platforms between a few of the displays so that little ones can climb up and see into the displays without having to be hoisted by their parents. You loved climbing the two steps onto these platforms and staring into the displays at the bugs contained within. You also just enjoyed playing around on the steps and platforms, and engaging with other kids that came to look. Your Papa, Sandy and Kyle each held Rosie, the tarantula. We did not opt into that adventure.

Then we headed into the butterfly area. It’s my favorite part and I was so excited to take you in. It’s so humid in there and you were immediately dripping sweat. You really do run ‘hotter’ than I do; I thought it felt pretty nice in there. After being in the room for only a few minutes a huge butterfly landed on your shoulder. At first you just stared at it, but then you were really upset by it and we couldn’t get it off. You were getting more and more frantic, and the butterfly was happy as can be on your shoulder. Finally I gently moved him off and he flew away, which earned me a scolding by a staff member since they do not want anyone to touch the butterflies. I think that sort of freaked you out and whenever we saw a butterfly you got upset, so you didn’t seem to really enjoy this room much. Hopefully your butterfly trauma won’t last long!

Today was Nancy’s last day. She has been a kind, patient nanny for you, and we’ll miss her. She gave you a few gifts, but my favorite was this little license plate for your Winnie-the-Pooh car.

You’ve had a bad diaper rash, probably the worst you’ve ever had. We’ve tried all different types of lotions and diapers, and nothing really seems to be doing the trick. Today I figured I’d try something I remember doing when you were little, letting you play around outside without pants on to air our the rash area. I’ve tried this before, but previously you were really little and mostly immobile. I didn’t think about the implications of you running around the yard naked, and sitting in the grass, and sand, without pants. Needless to say, you had to take a bath after your fun times outside, and that probably undid any healing that happened while you were outside.

Whenever you hear a plane (or when we say the word ‘plane’) you point up into the sky. In this picture you’re showing no shame about being pantless and happily pointing out the plane up above.

I never knew that figuring out what is best for you could be so hard. We’re still trying to figure out a better daycare situation. Rachel’s going back to school in August, Nancy is still not our 100% favorite caregiver, and we’re constantly questioning if you’d relish more interaction with others your age, such that you’d do better in a daycare setting. The best part of our current situation is your nana watching you two days a week. Things are always easy and comfortable with her, and we know you are in the best, most loving hands. She loves taking you out to activities, and is constantly thinking of new and creative things to do with you. And she just loves you so much; every weekend she mentions how she can’t wait to see you on Tuesday.

We’ve been interviewing nannies sporadically over the past six months, but nobody seems a perfect fit. So we’ve started touring daycares. Last week we toured Boulder Montessori, a school right up the street which I’ve heard great reviews about. We really liked the feel of it, the teachers, the space, the fact that you have free reign to do whatever you want, play, eat, go outside, inside, etc. We were amazed at the independence and skills of the toddlers in the room. They served themselves their own snacks, composted leftover food and washed their dishes. They are starting potty training. The youngest aged children they accept is 18-months, but I don’t think any of the children we observed were that young. Regardless, we really liked this school and its convenient location to us. However, there are no partial full-day options (1, 2, or 3 full-day options), which is what we need.

Today we toured another daycare, this one is not very convenient, though not totally unmanageable either. A friend sends her daughter there and they’ve had good experiences. For today’s tour we brought you with us; we did not do this for the tour last week. I thought it’d be neat to see how you reacted in the daycare environment, and I imagined you’d happily play and explore the new environment. Instead you were very emotional and clingy. I was hardly able to put you down without you becoming really upset, and even when I was holding you you were often crying. I’m not sure if you were overwhelmed, or not feeling well, or just not happy there. But the experience made me really question if daycare is right for you. I’ve spent all afternoon thinking about it, and even found myself in tears at one point. I just cannot imagine leaving you there after your reaction today.

So I’m not sure what we’ll do. In the near-term we’ve let Nancy know that starting in June we won’t need her anymore, and your papa will watch you on Mondays. Your nana will continue to watch you on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and Rachel will watch you with Isla on Thursdays. Your dad and I will continue to each watch you for a half-day on Friday, while the other one works. This will be the plan through the summer, until Rachel goes back to school. So we have a couple of months to identify a new solution, but time is still tight since many of the daycares have waitlists and it’s uncertain when you’ll get in. We’ll keep touring schools and seeking other options until we find something that feels right for all of us, but this is really hard.

You are very into kissing. You used to give sloppy, open-mouth kisses, but now you deliver the perfectly appropriate, puckered lip type, accompanied by a little kiss sound. I’m not sure what you’re trying to convey with them, but you dole them out at interesting times: while reading a book before bed, during a the moment when you are relaxed and leaned into me and almost nodding off to sleep, all of a sudden you’ll sit up, lean forward, and kiss a bunny or dog in a book; in the morning after I nurse you, you sit up, point and wiggle at your rocking horse until I set you down, and you proceed to walk over and kiss him on the head; you kiss Moguly almost every time you can get your lips on him. Lately you really like skin-to-skin contact, and if my pant leg is up or my shirt has ridden up to display my belly, you’ll lean over and kiss the exposed skin. You are so sweet.

But maybe too sweet with the boys. In the last two days you’ve kissed two boys, on the lips. The first one did not like it, pushing you away then turning and crying. The second didn’t mind it so much. Either way, we need to encourage you to keep focusing your kisses on inanimate objects for the time being.

We embarked on teaching you the ‘thank you’ sign at around the same time as we taught you to blow kisses. They’re pretty similar, and you quickly adopted the action of blowing kisses. You have become an expert kiss-blower, launching them through the air at dogs and people all over town. This action melts my heart every morning. Your dad holds you while I kiss you goodbye and head out the door to work. I turn around to look at you when I’ve gotten down the steps, and you blow me a kiss. It tests my willpower every single day; it’s so hard to leave after that sweet gesture. Luckily I know I’ll get another one tomorrow.

Each of us thinks we’ve heard you say words. The first was Nancy, swearing you said ‘horse’ weeks ago. Then it was your nana and papa, who said you said ‘outside’ while they were watching you. Two weeks ago I thought you said ‘Bubba’. Rachel said you said ‘all done’ on Thursday and your dad thought you said ‘dog’ on Friday. None of us has heard any of these words repeated, but it seems like so far you’re building quite the repertoire of words. Or we’re all very imaginative with what we hear.

Thanks for making me a mother over a year ago. It’s been pretty amazing, and being a mother’s been the most fun, crazy, tiring, rewarding, insane, amazing experience. Thanks sweetpea.

I bought you a little plastic play area with a slide attached. It’s a little like a house, with no roof. It has a door and three sides, then a slide coming out of the fourth slide. There are little areas where you can grab onto or get a foothold and climb up. You’ve been really enjoying playing on it, but haven’t been climbing on it too much. You have mastered how to get up on to the top ledge to slide down. You stand on your toes and reach forward, sticking your fingers in the slot between the ledge platform and the slide, then pulling yourself up with your arm and stomach muscles. Then you turn yourself around so that you can go down feet first, and you’ve amazingly never fallen off! You are so strong and coordinated.